Well, my 28-year-old buddy has dissapeared. Haven't talked to him in several days, his profile picture is gone; he did stalk me yesterday though. In our last conversation, if I recall correctly, I told him I was more interested in meeting women than men. It's not exactly true. Actually, it's kind of opposite from true. But oh well. It seemed appropriate at the time. Maybe that's why he ran away.
My other online buddy, the 19-year-old, wants me to meet him for coffee. I'm too chicken, but I think I need to suck it up. Although, I would rather go to the museum. That way if talking gets awkward I can pretend to be fascinated by the Wooly Mammoths.
I've had some interesting matches lately, but I haven't messaged any of them...I guess I didn't realize my very real fear of rejection would translate so strongly into the virtual world. But ever since this one girl I messaged never replied to me (and it wasn't even anything suggestive! I was just interested by something in her profile) rejection has been haunting me. Silly dating site shouldn't leave it all up to me. It should help me!
So basically, if I grow some balls you may have some fantastic interesting blog posts to read. If I don't then this whole thing has been pretty much pointless. Oh, except for the fact that my roommate is currently out introducing her online friend to our campus. Apparently they could only wait five days before meeting again. Oh the romance...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
This is kind of off topic...
Dating sites tend to offer you one, two or three options when it comes to your sexuality. Gay, straight or bisexual. And so, you're probably thinking, what else is there?
Hmm let's think about that. Our society tends to preach tolerance. It tells us we should break down binaries. Feminism attacks the gender binary. Queer theory questions the sexuality binary. The term bisexual reinforces them both. It suggests you like two sexes, pressumably male and female. And while it may seem to provide a middle ground to the hetero-homo binary, it really is just putting them together rather than questioning things.
I was browsing a user's profile the other day who described herself as a pansexual. She said that gender was irrelevant. I find pansexual a much better term than bisexual for people who prefer "both" genders. Because for many people, gender is irrelevant. Pansexual is currently a word in the English language, meaning (according to the OED): That encompasses all kinds of sexuality; not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regards to gender or practice.
That makes sense to me. Although I'm not sure what they mean by practice, because if that's refering to certain kinks people might have, I don't think that should be lumped together with sexuality. But maybe. Who knows. I just don't think bisexual is an adequate word in this society.
But I guess dating sites don't want to add a whole lot more options. It could be complicated. It could mess with their interface, or their matching software. OkCupid is a socially forward site, and seems to break down a lot of traditional assumptions, but when it offers just the choices of male and female when it comes to gender, are they really going as far as they should in helping people find love (which is presumably their goal).
It's strange. They have single and available, and obviously have created a space for polyamorous users. So why is this gender binary still being enforced? Is it because they think that users selecting "other" or "neither" might get less action? Or maybe it's because they don't have the right words to add another category.
Either way, people shouldn't be forced into two gender categories or three sexual orientations. Maybe it should just be a box we can fill out ourselves. Maybe we should be able to decide how we "self-identify" (another term I hate but it gets the point across) instead of being given limited options.
Hmm let's think about that. Our society tends to preach tolerance. It tells us we should break down binaries. Feminism attacks the gender binary. Queer theory questions the sexuality binary. The term bisexual reinforces them both. It suggests you like two sexes, pressumably male and female. And while it may seem to provide a middle ground to the hetero-homo binary, it really is just putting them together rather than questioning things.
I was browsing a user's profile the other day who described herself as a pansexual. She said that gender was irrelevant. I find pansexual a much better term than bisexual for people who prefer "both" genders. Because for many people, gender is irrelevant. Pansexual is currently a word in the English language, meaning (according to the OED): That encompasses all kinds of sexuality; not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regards to gender or practice.
That makes sense to me. Although I'm not sure what they mean by practice, because if that's refering to certain kinks people might have, I don't think that should be lumped together with sexuality. But maybe. Who knows. I just don't think bisexual is an adequate word in this society.
But I guess dating sites don't want to add a whole lot more options. It could be complicated. It could mess with their interface, or their matching software. OkCupid is a socially forward site, and seems to break down a lot of traditional assumptions, but when it offers just the choices of male and female when it comes to gender, are they really going as far as they should in helping people find love (which is presumably their goal).
It's strange. They have single and available, and obviously have created a space for polyamorous users. So why is this gender binary still being enforced? Is it because they think that users selecting "other" or "neither" might get less action? Or maybe it's because they don't have the right words to add another category.
Either way, people shouldn't be forced into two gender categories or three sexual orientations. Maybe it should just be a box we can fill out ourselves. Maybe we should be able to decide how we "self-identify" (another term I hate but it gets the point across) instead of being given limited options.
Monday, January 26, 2009
"Feeling Adventurous?"
Okay. I have to share this. I contacted OkCupid with a media request, and in their response they mentioned their sister-site CrazyBlindDate.com. WHICH has no profiles, no photos, just a matching system. THEN you're sent out to a coffee shop, bar, whatever, to try and meet this person, sometimes within the next few hours. Talk about catering to an impatient society. It's only available in a few select cities (mine not included) but I doubt I'd have the balls for that anyways!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
At least it's working for somebody
Well, my roommate met a boy online. I guess that was why we signed up for these sites in the first place, so she could meet boys. But still. It's not fair. Although it was really exciting. We convinced her to message him the first day she signed up. She and "Spike", as we affectionately refer to him, had been messaging volumous essays back and forth for a few weeks now. Finally, he suggested they meet up for coffee.
I had plans to go downtown with her anyways, to replace her candle holder that my cat broke, so we decided I would go to the coffee shop a few minutes after just to make sure things were going okay. If it looked like she was safe and comfortable, I'd leave.
Plans were set for 1:30 at the Solstice Cafe, which neither of us had been to before. So she left me to meet up with him, and I walked over about ten minutes later after trying on a cute green dress in one of the boutiques. They were just about to get their drinks when I walked in. I very studiously pretended not to recognize her and avoided eye contact. They sat in the back corner. I was forced to sit directly across from them, only table left. He was cute, cuter than his photos. I was surprised at how unawkward the whole thing seemed! I can't imagine talking to someone I met off the internet with that much ease. So, after I finished my soup and tea (I was cold!) I left them. I wasn't worried.
I arrived home, and an hour passed. She wasn't home yet. Then another hour, then another. We began to worry. How long can coffee take? Then, like four hours or something after I got home, she arrives.
"What the hell were you doing?" I yelled when she came in. Apparently, they'd been in the coffee shop the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME. That's just nuts. That should be like, an OkCupid advertising testimonial or something. Although, she won't speak explicitly on the romantic context of their "date." Makes sense, because did I mention, he has a girlfriend.
Yes, Spike is one of many OkCupid users in open, or polyamourous, relationships. Apparently it's really common. At least on OkCupid. While my roomie and I argue over the definition, here is what I have gathered the majority of the people online define it as:
They seem to have a primary lover. Then, they take secondary lovers that may or may not join their relations with the primary. It's not a polygamous situation where there is a three way relationship. At least not in most of the cases on here, like Spike's. It seems to be quite popular on OkCupid and I'm not sure why. PlentyofFish users seem to be less polyamorous and more, we're a couple looking for a girl to play with us. I'm still undecided how I feel about this. It might be something I have to make a decision on if one of them messages me. It's interesting because OkCupid offers the relationship statuses single and available to accomodate polyamorous people. Is this something that is common that I was just missing? Please, let me know if you've run across this!
Speaking of, did I mention a girl on PlentyofFish wants me to meet her for coffee as a seque into having a threesome with her and her boyfriend? Apparently the experience is more for her, but she wants him to be involved. I told her I'd think about it, because I didn't know what else to say! But I don't quite think that is something I am comfortable with, to say the least. She was very nice and non-perverted about it though.
Conclusion: The online dating world is a much more interesting, or at least openly interesting, place than what I encounter in my day-to-day life. I just need to come to terms with how I'm going to navigate it!
I had plans to go downtown with her anyways, to replace her candle holder that my cat broke, so we decided I would go to the coffee shop a few minutes after just to make sure things were going okay. If it looked like she was safe and comfortable, I'd leave.
Plans were set for 1:30 at the Solstice Cafe, which neither of us had been to before. So she left me to meet up with him, and I walked over about ten minutes later after trying on a cute green dress in one of the boutiques. They were just about to get their drinks when I walked in. I very studiously pretended not to recognize her and avoided eye contact. They sat in the back corner. I was forced to sit directly across from them, only table left. He was cute, cuter than his photos. I was surprised at how unawkward the whole thing seemed! I can't imagine talking to someone I met off the internet with that much ease. So, after I finished my soup and tea (I was cold!) I left them. I wasn't worried.
I arrived home, and an hour passed. She wasn't home yet. Then another hour, then another. We began to worry. How long can coffee take? Then, like four hours or something after I got home, she arrives.
"What the hell were you doing?" I yelled when she came in. Apparently, they'd been in the coffee shop the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME. That's just nuts. That should be like, an OkCupid advertising testimonial or something. Although, she won't speak explicitly on the romantic context of their "date." Makes sense, because did I mention, he has a girlfriend.
Yes, Spike is one of many OkCupid users in open, or polyamourous, relationships. Apparently it's really common. At least on OkCupid. While my roomie and I argue over the definition, here is what I have gathered the majority of the people online define it as:
They seem to have a primary lover. Then, they take secondary lovers that may or may not join their relations with the primary. It's not a polygamous situation where there is a three way relationship. At least not in most of the cases on here, like Spike's. It seems to be quite popular on OkCupid and I'm not sure why. PlentyofFish users seem to be less polyamorous and more, we're a couple looking for a girl to play with us. I'm still undecided how I feel about this. It might be something I have to make a decision on if one of them messages me. It's interesting because OkCupid offers the relationship statuses single and available to accomodate polyamorous people. Is this something that is common that I was just missing? Please, let me know if you've run across this!
Speaking of, did I mention a girl on PlentyofFish wants me to meet her for coffee as a seque into having a threesome with her and her boyfriend? Apparently the experience is more for her, but she wants him to be involved. I told her I'd think about it, because I didn't know what else to say! But I don't quite think that is something I am comfortable with, to say the least. She was very nice and non-perverted about it though.
Conclusion: The online dating world is a much more interesting, or at least openly interesting, place than what I encounter in my day-to-day life. I just need to come to terms with how I'm going to navigate it!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
"I hope I don't kick myself in the head falling head over heels"
It might have been good to think of the consequences before getting myself into this whole online dating game. Because, you know, these profiles on my screen actually represent real people. People have feelings.
Then again, I didn't really expect anyone to get those sort of feelings for me. But the internet is a whole different ballgame. While my profile is honest and what I consider true to character, it's still not me. So it's bound to attract different sorts of people in different sorts of ways. (Oh, and if you were wondering I didn't only put up photos where I look way more attractive then real life...just as my main photo :P).
What it boils down to is that, for the first time in my journalistic history, I'm having ethical second thoughts. I basically feel like I'm exploiting these people by talking about them, especially when I don't really have intentions towards anything relationshippy. I mean, I'm open to all sorts of possibilities, don't get me wrong, but I don't know what to do when someone says to me "I hope I don't kick myself in the head falling head over heels." Eep! For one, I couldn't fall for someone over the internet. I'm a real world sort of girl. And for two, I am the last person that it would be a good idea to fall head over heels for! I mean, just don't do it. It's bad news bears. I don't handle myself well in relationships and that's all there is to it. My intentions with this online dating gig were to maybe meet some new people, get to know them, and then see what springs forth...slowly.
I also don't do well with compliments, especially the corny kind. I usually deflect them in some awkward way, such as the following IM conversation:
On a slightly more humourous note, in case you were worried this entire post was going to be my depressing lamentation on my unethical treatment of humanity, I joined Plenty of Fish just to, you know, compare and contrast (I will have indepth reviews of the different dating sites later, I promise!). It seems there are a lot of couples in Victoria on there that are looking for *ahem* a playmate? I've already been contacted by one actually, and while she hasn't specifically mentioned her boyfriend, it's obvious from her profile what they're looking for. And while she's pretty cute, he's early 30's and so not my type. I was amused though, how many people are looking for this menage-a-trois sort of scenario. It's really not my scene, but power to them. I wonder if I can get around the boyfriend and just meet up with her...they do live together.
That's besides the point. If you're a girl who feels like getting frisky with a couple, go check out plentyoffish.com. There are couples out there in al shapes, sizes and flavours looking for girls like you ;-)
Maybe people in "polyamourous" relationships (there are TONS of those out there) are the best way to go. Because they aren't lonely, and aren't looking to get emotionally attached to you. It's ironicaly simple, considering the complications most people would associate with "polyamourous" long-term relationships. They can deal with the complications. I really would love it if, on my end, things were simple. Good luck, right?
Then again, I didn't really expect anyone to get those sort of feelings for me. But the internet is a whole different ballgame. While my profile is honest and what I consider true to character, it's still not me. So it's bound to attract different sorts of people in different sorts of ways. (Oh, and if you were wondering I didn't only put up photos where I look way more attractive then real life...just as my main photo :P).
What it boils down to is that, for the first time in my journalistic history, I'm having ethical second thoughts. I basically feel like I'm exploiting these people by talking about them, especially when I don't really have intentions towards anything relationshippy. I mean, I'm open to all sorts of possibilities, don't get me wrong, but I don't know what to do when someone says to me "I hope I don't kick myself in the head falling head over heels." Eep! For one, I couldn't fall for someone over the internet. I'm a real world sort of girl. And for two, I am the last person that it would be a good idea to fall head over heels for! I mean, just don't do it. It's bad news bears. I don't handle myself well in relationships and that's all there is to it. My intentions with this online dating gig were to maybe meet some new people, get to know them, and then see what springs forth...slowly.
I also don't do well with compliments, especially the corny kind. I usually deflect them in some awkward way, such as the following IM conversation:
: I think my heart just fluttered. :)
: i think its affecting my internet
: that seems to be fluttering too
: in and out of service!
Did I ever feel like a biiitch. I guess I should have been prepared to handle these scenarios.
On a slightly more humourous note, in case you were worried this entire post was going to be my depressing lamentation on my unethical treatment of humanity, I joined Plenty of Fish just to, you know, compare and contrast (I will have indepth reviews of the different dating sites later, I promise!). It seems there are a lot of couples in Victoria on there that are looking for *ahem* a playmate? I've already been contacted by one actually, and while she hasn't specifically mentioned her boyfriend, it's obvious from her profile what they're looking for. And while she's pretty cute, he's early 30's and so not my type. I was amused though, how many people are looking for this menage-a-trois sort of scenario. It's really not my scene, but power to them. I wonder if I can get around the boyfriend and just meet up with her...they do live together.
That's besides the point. If you're a girl who feels like getting frisky with a couple, go check out plentyoffish.com. There are couples out there in al shapes, sizes and flavours looking for girls like you ;-)
Maybe people in "polyamourous" relationships (there are TONS of those out there) are the best way to go. Because they aren't lonely, and aren't looking to get emotionally attached to you. It's ironicaly simple, considering the complications most people would associate with "polyamourous" long-term relationships. They can deal with the complications. I really would love it if, on my end, things were simple. Good luck, right?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Online dating is NOT a time saver!
Okay wow. So those people who say they online date because they are too busy to meet people? Omg. I feel it is my responsibility to denounce once and for all that misconception. "In-person dating", if you will, usually consists of meeting someone who piques your interest and arranging a date, coffe or what have you. Then, if you hit it off you go on more of these dates, if you don't you probably cease contact with the person. Simple. You can meet potential dates at work, at the gym, heck even at the grocery store, whatever you do throughout your week. It hardly adds any extra time at all, and a date once a week is like what, an hour?
Okay, now lets turn to online dating. Because online dating introduces people through sites specifically designed for that purpose, a lot of the people you meet are "date-hunters." They peruse their matches daily and contact anyone they find interesting or attractive. I assume. So, you're not just meeting the odd potential date that you'd have to see once a week or so, you're being messaged by several people with very direct purposes. Since I started this blog I have recieved 46 messages and had probably 6 IM conversations. My time investment is much higher than it would be for in-person dating. Although I guess the pay-off is my odds have also greatly increased. Anyways, I'll give you a brief recap of the potential dates I have to juggle. There are three who message me on a regular basis:
Nate-You met him last post. Well he's back messaging me now, probably on a daily basis about anything and everything, mostly to do with writing and literature. He's a good, intellectual conversationalist. He's also 28. He's the first of my ongoing communications.
Tom-He's new. Well, sort of. He started messaging me Jan. 14. He has the opposite problem as Nate; he's 19. I feel like a cougar..or cradle robber. He's friendly, outgoing and flirtatious, but we don't really have a lot in common. Still, he's fun to talk to.
Michelle-She just started messaging me yesterday, but they've been long messages. She's the person I've enjoyed talking to the most so far. She's a grammar nerd which is kind of fun. I haven't heard from her yet today, which is sad.
Then of course there are the random messages that make you feel slightly uncomfortable. They're trying, but in an awkward way. I reply, because I'd feel bad if I didn't, but it's usually a short response that doesn't really invite a lot of further conversation. Those communications usually die down pretty fast. Frankly, I don't have time to carry on constant communication with six people.
Anyways, back and forth messaging is about as saucy as it gets at this point in time. I'm sorry! They aren't even sexy messages. They are mostly lit-nerdy messages except with Tom - we talk about soup.
Oh, except for there is this one guy who "woo"ed me, whatever that means. I messaged him being like "lol what?" and haven't heard back. That was a day or so ago.
Aaand don't forget the sex solicitors. Luckily I've only encountered two who were openly pursuing a "casual encounter" as OkCupid calls it. Yes, yes, I know my profile says I am looking for that, but that doesn't mean I'm looking for someone to say "Meet me at 3:30 for a roll in the hay." It just means if I met someone who was cute, smart and funny, I'd probably boink them. I mean, just because someone puts they're looking for long-term dating doesn't mean they're going to attach themselves to the first person that messages them.
Okay, now lets turn to online dating. Because online dating introduces people through sites specifically designed for that purpose, a lot of the people you meet are "date-hunters." They peruse their matches daily and contact anyone they find interesting or attractive. I assume. So, you're not just meeting the odd potential date that you'd have to see once a week or so, you're being messaged by several people with very direct purposes. Since I started this blog I have recieved 46 messages and had probably 6 IM conversations. My time investment is much higher than it would be for in-person dating. Although I guess the pay-off is my odds have also greatly increased. Anyways, I'll give you a brief recap of the potential dates I have to juggle. There are three who message me on a regular basis:
Nate-You met him last post. Well he's back messaging me now, probably on a daily basis about anything and everything, mostly to do with writing and literature. He's a good, intellectual conversationalist. He's also 28. He's the first of my ongoing communications.
Tom-He's new. Well, sort of. He started messaging me Jan. 14. He has the opposite problem as Nate; he's 19. I feel like a cougar..or cradle robber. He's friendly, outgoing and flirtatious, but we don't really have a lot in common. Still, he's fun to talk to.
Michelle-She just started messaging me yesterday, but they've been long messages. She's the person I've enjoyed talking to the most so far. She's a grammar nerd which is kind of fun. I haven't heard from her yet today, which is sad.
Then of course there are the random messages that make you feel slightly uncomfortable. They're trying, but in an awkward way. I reply, because I'd feel bad if I didn't, but it's usually a short response that doesn't really invite a lot of further conversation. Those communications usually die down pretty fast. Frankly, I don't have time to carry on constant communication with six people.
Anyways, back and forth messaging is about as saucy as it gets at this point in time. I'm sorry! They aren't even sexy messages. They are mostly lit-nerdy messages except with Tom - we talk about soup.
Oh, except for there is this one guy who "woo"ed me, whatever that means. I messaged him being like "lol what?" and haven't heard back. That was a day or so ago.
Aaand don't forget the sex solicitors. Luckily I've only encountered two who were openly pursuing a "casual encounter" as OkCupid calls it. Yes, yes, I know my profile says I am looking for that, but that doesn't mean I'm looking for someone to say "Meet me at 3:30 for a roll in the hay." It just means if I met someone who was cute, smart and funny, I'd probably boink them. I mean, just because someone puts they're looking for long-term dating doesn't mean they're going to attach themselves to the first person that messages them.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
"I can be your cowgirl"
Okay, remember 28 year old local guy? For lack of confusion, let's call him Nate. Well Nate here hasn't messaged me back. I replied to his message and we had what I thought was a fairly succesful subsequent set of e-mails. They went something like this:
Me: You write gonzo journalism? Examples?
Nate: Okay, I exaggerated a bit. More New Journalism. Close to P.J. O'Rourke than Hunter S. Thompson (I am bruise easily). I would send an example but I can't really do attachments through this site and I am not sure how secure it is (I am a bit paranoid about tech stuff and my writing). If it were up to me I would using a type-writer, but everyone wants e-submissions now.
followed 12 minutes later by...
Nate: Well, I just looked at your profile. Oh my. Not only was I not turned off by what was on it (I swear I noticed your hair first), I do indeed enjoy Chaucer and can read it in the original. Looks like I made the right call. :)
Me: Hahahahaha I'm taking Chaucer in Middle English right now and my prof makes us read outloud but I am scareeeeeeeed.
That was yesterday afternoon. He hasn't replied and I know he's not only been online, but visited my profile. Go figure.
I guess I shouldn't mind that much. I'm meeting boys online at an exponentially faster rate than I do in real life. Just yesterday I had three IMs. THREE!
The first just wanted sex, and asked me if I was a "good girl". He didn't notice he lived several hours away in America I guess. And...was definately not my type. Pervert.
The second was a cowboy! Okay not actually, just in one of his pictures. He says he dresses up as a cowboy for special occasions. I had a good, long conversation with him. He was cute, didn't seem creepy or stalkery and, did I mention? ALSO lives in America! Washington. Not that far but, come on, who's going to travel trans-country to meet someone they met online? Not me. Oh Mr. Cowboy, how sad you make me.
The third was just some weird little dude who wanted us to ask eachother "random questions." His first question to me? Do you take long showers? Umm...either you're naive beyond infinity or I can see where this is going. No thanks.
So really, truly, unfortunately, after three days or so on OkCupid there is still no potential romance in my horizons. In fact, there isn't even a potential first date, damn.
I almost wish they didn't make you upload photos. So often I'm reading a profile going wow this guy sounds great, then I see him. I have three automatic turn-offs. Really, super dorky to the extreme, over-the-edge gangsterness, and big and hairy. I've just described most of the people on OkCupid.
It would be an interesting experiment to meet someone's personality first, before seeing their face. I mean, that's the part you're supposed to fall for, right? Blind people do it all the time. Do yo think it's possible to fall in love with someone without seeing them, meet them and discover they are hideously ugly, and have them still look beautiful to you because you love them? Who knows, but I feel I am missing out on a lot of interesting people because of my visual biases.
Me: You write gonzo journalism? Examples?
Nate: Okay, I exaggerated a bit. More New Journalism. Close to P.J. O'Rourke than Hunter S. Thompson (I am bruise easily). I would send an example but I can't really do attachments through this site and I am not sure how secure it is (I am a bit paranoid about tech stuff and my writing). If it were up to me I would using a type-writer, but everyone wants e-submissions now.
followed 12 minutes later by...
Nate: Well, I just looked at your profile. Oh my. Not only was I not turned off by what was on it (I swear I noticed your hair first), I do indeed enjoy Chaucer and can read it in the original. Looks like I made the right call. :)
Me: Hahahahaha I'm taking Chaucer in Middle English right now and my prof makes us read outloud but I am scareeeeeeeed.
That was yesterday afternoon. He hasn't replied and I know he's not only been online, but visited my profile. Go figure.
I guess I shouldn't mind that much. I'm meeting boys online at an exponentially faster rate than I do in real life. Just yesterday I had three IMs. THREE!
The first just wanted sex, and asked me if I was a "good girl". He didn't notice he lived several hours away in America I guess. And...was definately not my type. Pervert.
The second was a cowboy! Okay not actually, just in one of his pictures. He says he dresses up as a cowboy for special occasions. I had a good, long conversation with him. He was cute, didn't seem creepy or stalkery and, did I mention? ALSO lives in America! Washington. Not that far but, come on, who's going to travel trans-country to meet someone they met online? Not me. Oh Mr. Cowboy, how sad you make me.
The third was just some weird little dude who wanted us to ask eachother "random questions." His first question to me? Do you take long showers? Umm...either you're naive beyond infinity or I can see where this is going. No thanks.
So really, truly, unfortunately, after three days or so on OkCupid there is still no potential romance in my horizons. In fact, there isn't even a potential first date, damn.
I almost wish they didn't make you upload photos. So often I'm reading a profile going wow this guy sounds great, then I see him. I have three automatic turn-offs. Really, super dorky to the extreme, over-the-edge gangsterness, and big and hairy. I've just described most of the people on OkCupid.
It would be an interesting experiment to meet someone's personality first, before seeing their face. I mean, that's the part you're supposed to fall for, right? Blind people do it all the time. Do yo think it's possible to fall in love with someone without seeing them, meet them and discover they are hideously ugly, and have them still look beautiful to you because you love them? Who knows, but I feel I am missing out on a lot of interesting people because of my visual biases.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
"I'm not going to put busty..."
"What are three adjectives that describe me?" I asked my coworkers as I browsed down OkCupid's extensive list of profile questions.
"Mm how about vivacious?" replied Kennedy.
"I still need two more," I whined. Describing yourself in three adjectives was an unpleasant task. I mean, ideally I would have said brilliant or something, but then you just come off as pretentious.
"Busty!" called Jen from the corner. The worst part was, she was being serious. I quickly scrolled down to "What is the first thing people notice about you?" and typed in "My boobs."
And that was how I got started on my first ever dating site. Kind of.
It actually all started when my roommate and her boyfriend broke up. We were trying to find her a rebound (yeah, good friends, I know) and decided to sign her on to an online dating site. The first one wasn't OkCupid, it was eHarmony.
For anyone other than nice conservative Christian boys and girls, eHarmony is an epic FAIL. For one, it only offers the choice of male seeking female or female seeking male. That is a big WTF?! I mean, come on, it's freakin' 2009. Gay people can even GET MARRIED in most places. Geeze eHarmony.
It didn't get better. The match questions just made you feel like a bad person either only letting you choose between extremes or picking on tiny things that EVERYONE must do like "Have you ever had a bad thought" or "Have you ever took a fleeting glance at someone other than your lifemate?" I might be exxagerating a little here, but it was bad.
Definately not the place for my slightly kinky roommate with Wiccan tendencies. Moving on.
We went to OkCupid next and had a much nicer experience. There was room for a little bit of fun, a little bit of sin. I signed up too, just because taking the tests looked like fun. She messaged a few guys and I went away on a conference and forgot I ever signed up.
Then a day or so after I got home I was checking my junkmail, and I already had messages from OkCupid users! Got to admit it was a little bit of an ego boost. So, out of curiousity (I swear, it was all out of curiousity) I logged back in to check these guys out.
Intrigued by who these people were and why they are using online dating sites (which I always thought were for desperate losers) I made myself a profile (The site told me I'd get more responses that way). I added pictures because in OkCupid you don't show up on search without them, and I answered several questions about myself instead of writing articles for the school paper where I work.
The first message I got was from a 28 year old local guy. A little old for me but okay. I can't show you his exact message because it would reveal my username (and I don't want all ya'll hunting me down on OkCupid) but he basically asked me to tell him about me. So I reply (I've actually replied to everyone so far because I feel bad not...) Tell him maybe, three things.
Here's his reply:
Even a guy from Germany wrote to me. He actually wrote to me several times, full of flattery and praise. GAG reflex. There seems to be something about online conversations that removes people's social inhibitions. It stil makes me uncomfortable but at least I know I'll never have to actually meet him in person. Although he did offer to fly to Canada and bring me tea...
I guess for shy people this is a good option. It's less personal, and you still get to incorporate that element of shallowness that we all have. For now I'm doing okay with it. Talking to people on the internet doesn't seem all that real. It's actually deciding to meet up with someone that's the scary part. That can come later, for now I'm just going to take it slooow.
"Mm how about vivacious?" replied Kennedy.
"I still need two more," I whined. Describing yourself in three adjectives was an unpleasant task. I mean, ideally I would have said brilliant or something, but then you just come off as pretentious.
"Busty!" called Jen from the corner. The worst part was, she was being serious. I quickly scrolled down to "What is the first thing people notice about you?" and typed in "My boobs."
And that was how I got started on my first ever dating site. Kind of.
It actually all started when my roommate and her boyfriend broke up. We were trying to find her a rebound (yeah, good friends, I know) and decided to sign her on to an online dating site. The first one wasn't OkCupid, it was eHarmony.
For anyone other than nice conservative Christian boys and girls, eHarmony is an epic FAIL. For one, it only offers the choice of male seeking female or female seeking male. That is a big WTF?! I mean, come on, it's freakin' 2009. Gay people can even GET MARRIED in most places. Geeze eHarmony.
It didn't get better. The match questions just made you feel like a bad person either only letting you choose between extremes or picking on tiny things that EVERYONE must do like "Have you ever had a bad thought" or "Have you ever took a fleeting glance at someone other than your lifemate?" I might be exxagerating a little here, but it was bad.
Definately not the place for my slightly kinky roommate with Wiccan tendencies. Moving on.
We went to OkCupid next and had a much nicer experience. There was room for a little bit of fun, a little bit of sin. I signed up too, just because taking the tests looked like fun. She messaged a few guys and I went away on a conference and forgot I ever signed up.
Then a day or so after I got home I was checking my junkmail, and I already had messages from OkCupid users! Got to admit it was a little bit of an ego boost. So, out of curiousity (I swear, it was all out of curiousity) I logged back in to check these guys out.
Intrigued by who these people were and why they are using online dating sites (which I always thought were for desperate losers) I made myself a profile (The site told me I'd get more responses that way). I added pictures because in OkCupid you don't show up on search without them, and I answered several questions about myself instead of writing articles for the school paper where I work.
The first message I got was from a 28 year old local guy. A little old for me but okay. I can't show you his exact message because it would reveal my username (and I don't want all ya'll hunting me down on OkCupid) but he basically asked me to tell him about me. So I reply (I've actually replied to everyone so far because I feel bad not...) Tell him maybe, three things.
Here's his reply:
I just turned 28. I am in my last semester of my second degree in Art History (first was in Social Science) at UVic and am gunning for Law School. I have a dog (but like cats) and read and write voraciously in almost every genre and medium. My favorites are Graphic Novels and Gonzo Journalism though I dabble in may others. I have a personal library that spans three book cases.
See what's wrong with this picture? Not one question. So I haven't said anything back. However, I do know he looked at my profile today at noon, because OkCupid gives you the option of browsing openly. A lot of random people from the states have been viewing my profile too.Even a guy from Germany wrote to me. He actually wrote to me several times, full of flattery and praise. GAG reflex. There seems to be something about online conversations that removes people's social inhibitions. It stil makes me uncomfortable but at least I know I'll never have to actually meet him in person. Although he did offer to fly to Canada and bring me tea...
I guess for shy people this is a good option. It's less personal, and you still get to incorporate that element of shallowness that we all have. For now I'm doing okay with it. Talking to people on the internet doesn't seem all that real. It's actually deciding to meet up with someone that's the scary part. That can come later, for now I'm just going to take it slooow.
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