"It's just a date"

Sooo, remember a couple posts back when I said that one of my "matches" wanted to meet me for coffee?

Yup, stilllll haven't done it. We are supposed to meet this Tuesday. I'm sure I'll find an excuse not to. And the weird part is, it's not because I'm worried about him.

He's nice. He's cute. He really wants to meet up. He even sings to me over msn. He has a lot of the same interests I do, especially academically.

I'm terrified.

I'm terrified that, once we meet in person, he won't like me. I'm terrified that he'll have all these expectations after reading my profile. I'm terrified I'll disapoint.

I really like talking to him. He really likes talking to me. But that's online. People are different online whether they intend to be or not, because it's a reflection. It's a translation. It's a mutation. Sometimes people come across worse, and meeting them is a delightful surprise. More often than not, however, that gorgeous interesting person from the internet is rather plain and awkward in real life.

I'm terrified of awkwardness. I'm terrified by how much he enjoys talking to me. He's building me up in his mind. I don't want to be built up. I don't want to have to live up to someone's idealization.

I was relaying my fears to my best friend and she told me to relax.

"It's just a date," she said.

Just a date. I hadn't thought about it before, but I don't think I've actually GONE on a date-date before. My last boyfriend took me on dates, but we were already going out, so that doesn't really count. I've never had that first date experience, where you're just getting to know someone. Where you're nervous and excited.

I'm terrified by "just a date."

I'm terrified by the fact I actually want to go. I'm terrified by the fact I might actually like someone I met online. It wasn't really supposed to happen. I wasn't really supposed to care.

But he's nice. We get along. He's not one of those pervs whose conversations you read with a mix of disbelief and stifled giggles.

I'll probably do it eventually. I'll probably go. I don't want to, but I will. Partly for you, and partly for me. Mostly for me, because I need to stop being such a wuss.

But, what do I wear?