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In the previous post, "Everybody's Doing it," I mentioned some reasons that online dating sites might be growing so rapidly. One of these was that some of the stigma surrounding online dating was dissipating, that it wasn't just for "weirdos" anymore.

While I am sure that there are many nice people with great dating potential on these sites, I have yet to find one.

Surely not all of Online Dating Magazine's estimated 20 million daters can be undatable. Unfortunately, the magazine fails to say where these daters are. Are they worldwide? Are they just in America or North America? Who knows. Does it matter? Locally there are still hundreds of matches to choose from. I've had contact with several of them.

The majority of user messages are the typical "Hey Baby, wanna meet up some time? *wink wink*" sort. They don't understand the different between online dating and a sex partner resource guide. While they probably don't make up the actual majority of users, the frequency of their messages could lead you to think they do.

These users are easily spotted. And don't think just because you're on a nice, regulated pay site that you are safe. Please note the following user profile from ChristianMingle:

"im a handsum young meh n really attractive n looking for a sexi woman"

The second most common type of message is along the lines of "Hi, I looked at your profile. You look nice. I like x, y and z too. Drop me a message if you want to chat sometime :-)" These are okay and you know they bothered to take the time time to at least read your profile. However, they send out several of these sorts of messages. They are the trollers. Yes, they are looking for a date and they are going to cast a wide net (haha to anyone in co-op). You probably won't have a lot of luck making meaningful conversation with the trollers.

Then there are the truly interesting messages. These people are nice, full of personality, and seem to be actually interested in what you have to say. They share your interests. Talking to them is easy. Long messages are exhanged back and forth.

Then comes the "and this one time my depression was so bad that I took a knife and..." Okay whoa. Stop right there. I'm not saying that people with depression are pariahas and don't deserve love just like the rest of us, but it's not something I feel equipped to deal with. I'm not a patient person, and sometimes I can be a less than understanding person, and I know it. I'm unstable enough myself as it is; I need someone stable!

There are various other reasons that potential matches are deemed undatable. An innability to spell, for example. An attempt to convert me to their religion. The fact they hate animals. A disrespect for any of the things I am passionate about. An obessesion with D&D or anime. Maybe these things don't make the person weird, per se, but they make them incompatible with me. Hence why I can't find any suitable candidates.

The ones I do actually like always seem to drift off after a while. They probably think people who online date are weird too.

I don't get it, because I know people who online date who I consider to be perfectly datable, yet all I manage to draw in are people who are so far off from what I am looking for, or are clearly perverts.

Here is an example of a typical online dater:




Maybe it's because OkCupid is a little quirky. More likely, however, is that it's my profile. So here are a few selections from my profile for your amusement and judgement. Please, please let me know if I am asking for it.

My self-summary

I am a third year UVic student. My coworker is currently telling me I am incredibly motivated and I like to have fun and enjoy long walks on the beach and romantic comedies curled up on the couch. But really, truly I promise I'm not that cliche. And no where near that motivated.

I am charismatic like a car crash you can't look away from.

I take English and Writing and I loooove Chaucer and John Donne. Call me nerdy, I don't care. Better a lit nerd than an anime geek.

I love the ocean. I kind of want to marry it. I have a longstanding arguement with a friend of mine over whether or not the ocean is male or female, but I'd marry it regardless.

Oh, and I have verbal, or written in this case, diarhhea. Yes, I am still talking. No, I probably shouldn't be.

I'm really good at

Telling you what to do. Seriously, listen to me. I also think I'm pretty good at typing. And tickling. And falling asleep in class. I apparently also make a good kitten chair, as my kitty regularily sits on my back when I'm lying down.

You should message me if

You haven't yet been turned off by the previous information or if Chaucer gives you a boner.

Or, this might be even more important, if you like tea. Especially Earl Grey. Not Chai.